Father of a sun

September 5, 2021

When we are faced with situations in life that question the identity we hold close to our hearts, we sometimes distance ourselves from the event. If the event involves someone we know, then we create a story in our mind that makes the present easier to live. We avoid the wrongs and focus on the positives.

A-Wen in the 2019 film A Sun is one such person. His identity as a father is questioned when the younger of his two sons is sent to juvenile detention for accompanying a friend who chopped-off the hand of a similar-aged boy. A-Wen’s approach to continue living his life involves a mental tweak. Whenever someone asks him how many children he has, he responds confidently that he has one son. This mental tweak helps him to avoid thinking about his role as a father in the development of his younger son.

This mental tweak helps him for a few days until he faces another tragedy. One evening, the older son jumps to his death from the roof of their apartment building. His older son had been the spark in the family. Excellent student at school and high-achieving. He was shy and thoughtful. No one really knew what he was thinking about. Just that he was often deep in thought. He was the son the father was proud of.

How many sons did the father have now? He still had one son, the one he did not want to acknowledge. No mental tweak needed now. As the younger one tells one of the officers in the detention center, the older brother was brilliant. He was just brilliant. But, it does not matter anymore. Only the younger one is alive now.

A-Wen reminded me of a conversation with a friend. This friend told me how they are proud of a grand father who fixed planes. The grandfather fixed planes during the second world war. They, a pacifist, mentioned how their grandfather did not kill anyone during the war and they only fixed planes. I was struck by this line of thought. The planes were used to bomb cities. Their grandfather may not have shot anyone, but they did contribute to the apparatus that was used to kill thousands of people. Nevertheless, the belief that their grandfather had not killed anyone during the war made them proud and limited the guilt they might otherwise have felt.